| MARRIAGE MYTH #3 MY SPOUSE WILL MAKE ME HAPPY |
| Copyright © 2006-2009 Anointed Word Ministries All rights reserved. Used by permission. |
Myth #3 – My spouse is supposed to make me happy!
In 1992, a government survey reported that one-half of all marriages in the United States end in
divorce within five years. These are the same people who stood before God, family and friends,
swearing, taking an oath to love until death do they part. Yet, within five years, over fifty percent of
those people have already divorced.
The reason so many marriages end in divorce is because of a lack of understanding going into the
marriage covenant. God says, "My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge."
One way people misunderstand one another is that they marry expecting their spouse to make them
happy – and keep them that way.
First we will tackle the meaning of the word “happy” or “happiness”. According to the Wikipedia,
“Happiness is a state of mind or feeling such as contentment, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.” Note that
word feeling.
One thing we should be taught as Christians is that we are never to go by our feelings. Our feelings
will lie to us. Ever hear a noise late at night, feel the hair stand up on your arm, your stomach feel like
a million butterflies are fluttering inside and you “feel” afraid? Then you realize you left a window open
and it is blowing the mini-blinds? There was absolutely nothing to be afraid of yet you FELT afraid.
Your feelings said, "You are in danger" and your feelings lied to you.
Happiness is an emotional response to a temporary external stimuli. It is dependent on the
circumstance of the moment. When your hubby handed you an engagement ring, your heart felt like it
was bursting with happiness and joy. Yet as little as a year later, that ring is something you don’t even
notice. It’s ability to make you feel happy was temporary - fleeting.
Is it fair to expect your spouse to be the source of all your external and temporary stimuli throughout
the day so you can feel happy? Is it their job to entertain you? No. Yet that is the expectation many
people have. They expect their spouse to “make” them happy. Yet the spouse is simply a human
being who has the same troubles, thoughts, daily grind, routine etc., that you do! Yet you expect them
to rise above it all and make you happy?
NO one can MAKE you anything. They can’t MAKE you happy and they can’t MAKE you angry. Your
feelings are your choice. If happiness is a feeling, then it is your choice whether or not you are
happy. Sure, your spouse can make a joke, you laugh and feel happy. Your spouse can also say
something sarcastic, you cry and feel unhappy. Both actions of the spouse created a reaction in you
– but that reaction is always YOUR choice. Your spouse did not hold you down and force you to be
happy or unhappy.
When I first married my hubby, based on bad past experiences, I was touchy and always expecting him
to think the worst of me or say the worst to me. Since I expected that, no matter what he said to me, I
“heard” him through a filter of negativity. I had to learn that what I was feeling he said to me had never
crossed his mind. If he made a comment I “thought” was criticism of something I’d done, whoo baby,
watch out. I’d have my feelings hurt and feel that way until we could talk things out.
I can’t tell you how many times he was amazed that I took something he said in a way that was the total
opposite of what he meant. I had to make a choice to begin to apply biblical principles to my marriage
and always EXPECT good things from my husband, not bad. Once I made that determination, I was
able to learn to filter our conversations through a more positive channel. I was able to stop and think
first, instead of just reacting with hurt feelings.
1 Corinthians 13 teaches us many things about walking in love. The Amplified version of verses 1-2
reveals the importance of love. It says: If I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but
have not love…I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers…and
understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have [sufficient]
faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God's love in me) I am nothing (a useless
nobody).
If we do not have love, we cannot be spiritual adults. If we do not have love and we aren't walking in
love with others, God says we are useless nobodies! Nothing we do counts! Can you imagine that?
That's how important love is. Our mistake is to think that walking in love does not apply to our
spouses! They should be our first consideration above all other people!
We must also recognize that the love of God is unselfish. Selfish people are never happy because
they are always thinking about themselves instead of others. They are always striving to get their
needs met and get what they want.
The Bible tells us it is in giving that we receive (Luke 6:38). Unselfish people walk in love and are
always looking for ways to bless others including and especially their spouses. They are sowing love
and they will reap love. These people will live in happiness, joy and peace.
First Corinthians 13:5 says love "does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-
seeking" (AMP). Demanding our own way is not how we walk in love. One important key to having a
happy marriage is being unselfish—it will make all the difference!
The next time you have those little thoughts, ‘I’m not happy” stop and consider a few things. Think, "Is
my focus only on myself?" "What have I been thinking about? ME??" Then make a determination to
take the focus off yourself and onto something outside yourself - your mate! Think of ways you can
bless them - you'll be astounded with the results!
In 1992, a government survey reported that one-half of all marriages in the United States end in
divorce within five years. These are the same people who stood before God, family and friends,
swearing, taking an oath to love until death do they part. Yet, within five years, over fifty percent of
those people have already divorced.
The reason so many marriages end in divorce is because of a lack of understanding going into the
marriage covenant. God says, "My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge."
One way people misunderstand one another is that they marry expecting their spouse to make them
happy – and keep them that way.
First we will tackle the meaning of the word “happy” or “happiness”. According to the Wikipedia,
“Happiness is a state of mind or feeling such as contentment, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.” Note that
word feeling.
One thing we should be taught as Christians is that we are never to go by our feelings. Our feelings
will lie to us. Ever hear a noise late at night, feel the hair stand up on your arm, your stomach feel like
a million butterflies are fluttering inside and you “feel” afraid? Then you realize you left a window open
and it is blowing the mini-blinds? There was absolutely nothing to be afraid of yet you FELT afraid.
Your feelings said, "You are in danger" and your feelings lied to you.
Happiness is an emotional response to a temporary external stimuli. It is dependent on the
circumstance of the moment. When your hubby handed you an engagement ring, your heart felt like it
was bursting with happiness and joy. Yet as little as a year later, that ring is something you don’t even
notice. It’s ability to make you feel happy was temporary - fleeting.
Is it fair to expect your spouse to be the source of all your external and temporary stimuli throughout
the day so you can feel happy? Is it their job to entertain you? No. Yet that is the expectation many
people have. They expect their spouse to “make” them happy. Yet the spouse is simply a human
being who has the same troubles, thoughts, daily grind, routine etc., that you do! Yet you expect them
to rise above it all and make you happy?
NO one can MAKE you anything. They can’t MAKE you happy and they can’t MAKE you angry. Your
feelings are your choice. If happiness is a feeling, then it is your choice whether or not you are
happy. Sure, your spouse can make a joke, you laugh and feel happy. Your spouse can also say
something sarcastic, you cry and feel unhappy. Both actions of the spouse created a reaction in you
– but that reaction is always YOUR choice. Your spouse did not hold you down and force you to be
happy or unhappy.
When I first married my hubby, based on bad past experiences, I was touchy and always expecting him
to think the worst of me or say the worst to me. Since I expected that, no matter what he said to me, I
“heard” him through a filter of negativity. I had to learn that what I was feeling he said to me had never
crossed his mind. If he made a comment I “thought” was criticism of something I’d done, whoo baby,
watch out. I’d have my feelings hurt and feel that way until we could talk things out.
I can’t tell you how many times he was amazed that I took something he said in a way that was the total
opposite of what he meant. I had to make a choice to begin to apply biblical principles to my marriage
and always EXPECT good things from my husband, not bad. Once I made that determination, I was
able to learn to filter our conversations through a more positive channel. I was able to stop and think
first, instead of just reacting with hurt feelings.
1 Corinthians 13 teaches us many things about walking in love. The Amplified version of verses 1-2
reveals the importance of love. It says: If I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but
have not love…I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers…and
understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have [sufficient]
faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God's love in me) I am nothing (a useless
nobody).
If we do not have love, we cannot be spiritual adults. If we do not have love and we aren't walking in
love with others, God says we are useless nobodies! Nothing we do counts! Can you imagine that?
That's how important love is. Our mistake is to think that walking in love does not apply to our
spouses! They should be our first consideration above all other people!
We must also recognize that the love of God is unselfish. Selfish people are never happy because
they are always thinking about themselves instead of others. They are always striving to get their
needs met and get what they want.
The Bible tells us it is in giving that we receive (Luke 6:38). Unselfish people walk in love and are
always looking for ways to bless others including and especially their spouses. They are sowing love
and they will reap love. These people will live in happiness, joy and peace.
First Corinthians 13:5 says love "does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-
seeking" (AMP). Demanding our own way is not how we walk in love. One important key to having a
happy marriage is being unselfish—it will make all the difference!
The next time you have those little thoughts, ‘I’m not happy” stop and consider a few things. Think, "Is
my focus only on myself?" "What have I been thinking about? ME??" Then make a determination to
take the focus off yourself and onto something outside yourself - your mate! Think of ways you can
bless them - you'll be astounded with the results!
| All rights reserved. Used by permission. |